Tasty Little Handbag

The event managers considered volume to be a measure of effectiveness on this job.

The louder you shouted “WIN YOURSELF A TASTY LITTLE HANDBAG”, the less they would bother you with the request to be more vocal please.

The phrase didn’t sit naturally with my persona. 

So I had to adopt a weird cheeky-cockney-market-trader character. Which still didn’t sit naturally with my face or my voice. (My natural aura is Colin Firth).

TASTY LITTLE HANDBAG. 

You had to be consistent too. Pause for breath and they’d be on you again.

We were giving out coffee samples in a supermarket carpark but the real objective was to get people to fill out their details to win a £300 handbag. 

My confident cockney character got lots of people to enter the competition. I soon settled into my role as master of carpark ceremonies, host of the milk and sugar table, and reigning champion at extracting personal details. A roaring success all round.

It meant that I was awarded half a bag of coffee granules after 2 weeks of doing the wretched shouty job.

They presented me with the half bag of coffee as if it were the tasty little handbag itself. Like it were an actual bonus. I don’t drink coffee.