Uncategorized – Average Brunette

Suited and Boots-ed

One particular agency insisted I always wore a pencil skirt, tight blazer and high-heels to my shift.

Wherever that shift was.

And one of the places you really don’t need to be dressed like a budget sexy secretary, is Boots.

Tasty Little Handbag

The louder you shouted “WIN YOURSELF A TASTY LITTLE HANDBAG”, the less they would bother you with the request to be more vocal please.

The phrase didn’t sit naturally with my persona.

So I had to adopt a weird cheeky-cockney-market-trader character. Which still didn’t sit naturally with my face or my voice. (My natural aura is Colin Firth).

Cheese-Rolling In The Back Of A Van

With the lofty title of Team Leader I took this job far too seriously.

I was ‘supervising’ a group of very young people giving out cheese samples on the South Bank.

The central location made it a risky shift: people I’ve worked with might see me in a branded T-shirt and yellow hat, cheerily wielding a plate of cheese. (Doesn’t shout, “Made It”.)

It was a very real fear.

And so was the prospect of under-delivering as Team Leader…

A Clipboard-Wielding Medusa

I’d arrive at the shopping centre before 9am to locate my stand, a roll out banner and a branded wheelie bin with the clipboards inside.

It’s where I could put away my handbag and dignity too.

Blow Your Nose – Aggressive Training

‘V’ was my trainer for the day. That’s the name she went by, I’m not trying to preserve her anonymity here. She had a strong Liverpool accent and a voice that carried. She also wore a puffa jacket and Ugg boots for the shift, despite the strict instructions that I was to turn up inContinue reading “Blow Your Nose – Aggressive Training”

A Fibrous Mistake

I neglected to check the railfare before this job. 7-10am giving out breakfast biscuits in Woking station for £30.00 seemed tolerable. It seemed significantly less tolerable when I’d hauled myself out of bed at 5.45am to then pay £14.00 to get there. After a quick calculation of tax deductions my wage was near non-existent. AndContinue reading “A Fibrous Mistake”

How About A Nice Loose Curl

I’d exaggerated my ability to style hair.

But the pay was good because the shifts were 14 hours long, so I was determined to Have A Good Go…

Why Am I Doing This?

WHY AM I DOING THIS? Starting a blog in 2020 is the equivalent of hanging out on MSM Messenger. Nobody does it now. I know. But I wanted to wang some words out there and it turns out there is unlimited space on the internet. Raising a smile (or a least a cry-laugh emoji) makesContinue reading “Why Am I Doing This?”

Freeday Pass and Letterboxes

This job was not only tedious, but painfully cold. There was snow on the ground, it was -12C and the public did not want to engage with me, the abominable snowman with a confusing offer.

Wearing A Suit In A Supermarket

Without anything more specific than ‘promote the Sun on Sunday’ as a job description I headed into Asda to start work. I asked a man in Asda uniform where the staff entrance was located. ‘We don’t have staff; we have ‘Colleagues’. And the Colleague entrance is round the back’. Fine. Hanging out by the newspapersContinue reading “Wearing A Suit In A Supermarket”